Confession #4: He Was a Terrible Kisser

之前，在台湾，有一位男生跑来看我， 名叫 Eli。 他是我上大学时认识的同学。 其时我们并不是很熟，但可以说是朋友。 至少也是朋友的朋友。我看他满顺眼的。

他来我家住了差不多两个礼拜。 刚开始，对他也没什么特别感觉。他长得不是特别帅，而我们虽然很谈的来 但也不是默契十足的那样。 应该是日久深情吧。。。

我们那时候过得像一对老夫妻。 他还花大钱请我到台北一家豪华大饭店玩。 而且也经常会煮饭给我吃。 很甜蜜。两个礼拜下来就一直这样子。

我们两关系虽然越来越密切，但是，我发现到。。。 他接吻的功力很差- 让我每次要跟他接吻都想尽办法躲避他那一对硬邦邦湿滴滴的双唇。可怕及了。。。

我们各自离开台湾之后 说好要经过 Skype 联系 但我们却一直找不到彼此。不是他爽约就是我爽约。 造成我心很烦。

托到最近我反而变成跟 Tony 透过 Skype 视讯联络。 没想到吧！要是我都还变成先跟 Jason 透过 Skype 视讯联络，那也就太夸张了吧！

讨厌的 Eli 到底是怎么一回事呢？！

Confession #3: I don't like to kiss

It's true. I don't really like to kiss... on the mouth... French kiss, anyways.

I don't mind kissing someone somewhere else, & I DEF don't mind being kissed somewhere else. But I don't like the whole open-mouthed, 'I'm drooling, you're drooling, let's stick our tongues in each other's mouths' kind of kiss. It's kinda gross.

I like what a kiss can lead to... as well as the anticipation that can lead to a kiss... but I've never been fond of kissing, except for when it came to kissing this 1 guy. We met during my junior year of college, I think. We met at a 'sushi/karaoke' party (haha) that a friend of mine was hosting. He was 1 of 4 white dudes in a room full of Korean girls & Vietnamese guys. We met, we mingled, we instantly clicked. We might have hit it off a little too well tho ;-)... (haha, we didn't do THAT). Now HE... was my soulmate (in terms of kissing). It is too bad that didn't work out, but he only left me with fond memories. I miss his lips (and ALMOST everything attached to them).

I have not really enjoyed kissing anybody else. I kinda enjoyed kissing the "not-ex". But even then, it was only "kind of". I remember ONE instance where we shared a great kiss, but of all the times we kissed, that only happened once. He always smelled good though! (To me). I later on pinpointed that smell to the smell of the food called falafels. I don't particularly like to eat falafels, but that's what he smelled like. It was the pheremones I guess. Even when he was all sweaty he smelled great to me. Except for this one time. He came over, kissed me, & his lips reeked of the scent of another girl's *pussy*. He smelled like shit.

Confession #2: I almost burned a pair of mens' blue, athletic shorts once...

... but only ended up mopping a dirty, dorm room floor with them, stomping on them, and then throwing them away. They belonged to my "ex"... or "not-ex". I don't know what to call him. He gave them to me one morning, after I spent the night at his place. I believe he said "consider this the first semi-present..." a pair of used, blue shorts, which were much too big for me... how thoughtful... and generous, too! I am sad to say that this was the only "gift" he ever attempted to give me during the entire time I knew him... I know, I know, what a lucky girl I was!

We met during my freshman year in college. We were... physically close, so to say. I don't even know how to describe "us". It sometimes seemed as if we were 'together', but I guess most of the time it didn't. And when it did, he was always trying to break up with me! Either that, or he would tell me that we weren't 'together' in the first place! Haha... I wish my chuckle was a little less wry still, at the thought of that... but... oh, well.

Let's move on, shall we?

Post #1

Everyone should know, at least once in his/her life, what it feels like to be a priority... or someone else's 'first choice' if you will. I know what it feels like. And I also know what it feels like to make someone else feel like he/she is a 'first choice' too. But...

Confession #1: I don't know what that feels like in the romantic sense- neither as the instigator nor otherwise.

I know what it feels like to be someone else's '#1' in the platonic & familial sense, but... not in any other sense. The same goes for making someone else feel like he/she is my '#1': romantic activity, lacking.

I've been in "relationships" (the degree of seriousness to which this word may be applied, in my life, in any attempts of this, may be shrewdly observed through the usage of quotation marks in this reference), but none of which have ever left me feeling satisfied. There was always something missing, be it emotional closeness, or physical passion, or a certain mix of both...

Suffice it to say, I am still unsatisfied. I am a generally happy girl, but I am unsatisfied. I am patient (sort of), but I am unsatisfied. I know what it feels like to be someone's (everyone's) second choice, but not what it feels like to be (the ever elusive) '#1'. I don't think I will enter into another relationship again until I am made to feel like I am his '#1'... I don't think it's a matter of ego; more possession than anything else. I guess this explains why the fortune teller said I probably wouldn't marry until I was around 30-years old...